THOUGHTS BEFORE TURNING 23
5 months from now I am turning 23 years old. How did this happen? Time flies so fast. I remember when I was younger I used to think by 24 I want to be married, have kid and to become successful with my chosen career now I'm like... wait I'm turning 24 next year. Why did I think by a certain age meant certain things were supposed to happen? Like I'm seriously just about to finish college by that age.
I'm gonna be honest here, these past few months I've been thinking about my future. I have been thinking what will happen to me 5 years from now? Will I ever become successful? Will I ever get marry and have kids? I'm almost 23 yet I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm almost 23 yet I still don't know where I want to be and where I'm supposed to be. I'm almost 23 yet I didn't achieved anything yet.... will I ever achieve anything tho?
I am the oldest child of my parents. They're not pressuring me about anything but that's actually the pressuring part for me. Being the oldest child you've always been expected to be the responsible one but in my case, I didn't experienced that. My parents never gave me "big" responsibilities. My sister who is younger than me is actually the one they're pressuring to do good in everything. I should be happy, right? No eyes on me. I can do just whatever I want cause no one is expecting me to do something, no one will gets disappointed. But that's not how it works for me. I am pressuring myself that I should prove to my parents that I am more than what they think I am. I want to prove to my parents that I can do things that they didn't think I can and that I can do more of what they expect my sister could. But how can I do that? I am almost 23. I'm running out of time. I've been frustrated. I am scared that after I graduate college, I wouldn't be able to find any job. I'm scared that after college, I will still be living with my parents and won't be able to help them financially. I'm scared that after college I wouldn't be able to achieve and to do anything in life.
This is my aunt. My father's sister. I told her that I am scared of what will happen to me after college. I told her how I feel. She comforted me with her words and it's just so beautiful. I've always been scared to talk to people about my problems cause I always feel like they won't care, they wouldn't understand and I hate the feeling of being a burden to anyone. That's what my anxiety makes me feel. I thought that I can manage everything alone. I thought that I don't need anyone to talk about all my problems. I thought that I'm right. But actually, I am wrong.
How I am now...
After telling my aunt how I've been feeling, I would say that I've never felt this wonderful. My aunt made me realized that age is just a number. She made me realized that I don't need to pressure myself to feel like by this age this and that should be happening in my life. I have also read on Marianna Hewitt blog saying that what's meant to be will be and there's no time limit on the things you want to achieve. I am so full of positive vibes right now. And this time, I wouldn't let my mental health issues drag me down and you shouldn't either. It is important to know that if you've been feeling down it is okay to seek for help. It is okay to talk to people about your problems. It is okay to let people in to our lives. I know it's hard especially if you have anxiety but never let your anxiety controls you. Let yourself control your anxiety. Go out, look for someone whom you feel comfortable with.
What's exciting part for me is that I am able to share this with you. My readers, followers, subscribers -my online friends. Being able to share my life with you through internet makes me so happy. So am I ready to turn 23 and face the next chapter in my life? Absolutely. I will be stepping on the next chapter in my life with courage and positive mind. I can't wait to look back in the future, to read this blog and to say that "Angelika you finally did it!" Law of attraction, I'm crossing my fingers.
